Ok, let me tell you WHAT. I almost sold my toddler for $5 last Tuesday.
When 4pm hits, he decides it’s time to run around the house singing in high pitched notes only dogs can hear. He tears off all his clothes and starts dumping out every toy bin in sight. He does lap after lap, tearing into the kitchen in maniacal laughter.
Meanwhile, I’m trying to prep dinner with my 16-month-old on my hip because said 3-year-old kept sitting on her. I’m doing Navy SEAL breathing exercises. I’m renouncing the devil and all his ways. I’m dry shampooing my greasy hair with such gusto that it looks like I’m extinguishing a fire instead of making myself semi-presentable for my husband, who gets home in an hour.
Then my kid pokes his head around the corner all “Heeeere’s Johnny!!!” and screams.
I am barely. Hanging. On.
I scoured Pinterest for some tips on “how to be a happier stay at home mom” and I wasn’t completely happy with the results. Most of them start with the premise about establishing good routines, getting up before your kids, yada-yada.
And I agree! Yes!
But what about those days when you’ve hopped on the Hot Mess Express? You slept through your alarm because you’re so exhausted? When for various reasons – them being aged one and three – the routine is chucked out the window with the last scrap of your sanity?
Then on those days, this list is for you, sister.
1. Adjust your expectations.
And fast. Some days as a SAHM, the birds are chirping as your children sweetly play together in the living room. Other days, your living room looks like a before shot from Marie Kondo’s “Tidying Up.” Know that on tough days, your kids might not be able to pull it together enough to play independently while you try to get some work done in the kitchen. They might not be able to handle the super-complicated-but-cute Pinterest craft you prepped the night before. YOU might not be able to handle cooking that chicken pot pie from scratch.
So reevaluate. Let go of what you had planned for the day and make it a little easier on yourself.
2. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em
Toddlers have unpredictable moods (yes, I am an endless vessel of parenting wisdom). Roll with it. Is your toddler crying because his lego train keeps breaking? Pull him onto your lap and lament about it with him for 15 minutes. Trying to argue him out of his feelings is pointless.
Is he running around crazy? He needs to release some energy. Put on a goofy song to encourage him to get his energy out. My secret weapon is “Crazy Frog,” that awful techno song from the early 2000s that I now hear in my nightmares. Turn it up LOUD, chase them around a little, and try to chop veggies in between.
Whatever. You’ll still have a headache by 6pm but at least you’re not fighting the impossible battle of “calming them down.” It’s not going to work, my friend. Just hop on that toddler wave of emotions and enjoy the ride.
3. Give yourself some grace
Moms today have an extraordinary amount of pressure piled on top of them. We are expected – or we expect ourselves – to be the very answer to our kids’ every need. We must feed them perfectly healthy, non-GMO, organic meals. We must be able to talk them through every tough emotional moment. We must never forget the sunscreen. We must provide them with age-appropriate activities that will stimulate them mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, existentially, psychosocially.
Come onnn.
Over here, I’m yanking open the freezer to see what options the frozen section at Aldi will offer for my salvation on days that went south. I’m letting them figure it out for a bit. Not solving every problem they face. Banishing my toddler to the backyard and telling him to play (guess what – he does!).
Sure, I try to cook healthy meals for my kids. I help my toddler through tough moments. I’m always on the hunt for fun activities they can do.
But. I am not here to create a Pinterest-perfect world for my kids. I’m okay with simple days of books, going on walks, and playing legos. I don’t pretend to be all they need because I’ve learned they need a whole tribe of people around them.
Do your best, my friend. Take a deep breath. Give yourself some grace.
And then get back to it. Those chicken nuggets aren’t going to nuke themselves, sister.
